Better Than A Hallelujah

As I wrote yesterday, reality acceptance is difficult. What is more difficult is believing that one has a future in a difficult reality. When I quit my job and started pursuing a life of wellness, I felt that I had lost my purpose. I was always working, or going to school, or doing something to keep myself busy. Suddenly, I was without daily structure and a goal for each day.

Prior to quitting work, I was a therapist who assisted patients in overcoming opiate addiction. Prior to that, I was in school to become a secondary English teacher. Prior to that, I was a health and wellness coach. Researcher. Resident Assistant. College student. High school student. My life has been filled with purpose. Then, in December, when I quit my job and decided to focus on building my life of wellness, I lost sight of my value.

God has promised me that He has a reason for my living. It is difficult to see when one’s life is occupied by doctors’ appointments and a steady supply of medication and a sense that one has lost her self to her disease. However, God promises that He has a plan for me–a plan for wholeness and a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11). He has not abandoned me, no matter what it feels like right now.

So, I must make straight my paths and try to follow His way. Unfortunately, I do not always know His way, but I can keep trying. One thing that I need to do: Get in His Word. God has a book filled with promises for His children and He will continue to love us and believe in our capacity to come to Him. So, let me come.

With God, one can accept the difficult things in life, if one has faith and is willing to trust Him. This is difficult for me. I have been deeply hurt in my life and, at the time, I felt that God had abandoned me. He did not, but it still hurts that He did not stop man from hurting me. I have also been hurt by churches and judged for my illnesses. I had one church blame my illness on demonic oppression and try to exorcise the demon and had me stop taking my meds because they were of the devil. Not all religious experiences and churches are the best for some individuals.

As God says in His word, “Guard your heart.” Men will try to steal your joy and will try to lead you astray and will try to make you feel less than you are. Britt Nicole sings songs about the value we have despite what others say. She advises that we do not allow others to steal our glow. God has given us that glow of life and declared us princes and princesses of Heaven. What greater gift is there? He has given us New Life.

My life seemed to end with quitting my job and having to recognize that I needed to just focus on living my life without major stressors, so I might actually have some semblance of quality of life, promoting quantity. God says that is okay. God wants me to be well. With Him, I have a chance of being well.

I recognize this is more religious than most of my posts, but I just needed to think about God and His plans for me and how He still loves me in the midst of my brokenness. As the song goes, “Better than a hallelujah.”

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