I don’t write often of physical pain, even though it is something that I struggle with on a daily basis. It comes and goes, but never goes away completely. The past few days have been dreadful and there is no way to treat it effectively.
I have endometriosis with cystic ovaries. I have been in intense pain from the endometriosis and cysts for months now. I finally asked to be treated with lupron on Tuesday. It will take a while to get the insurance to cover it, but I have run out of options. It terrifies me to be at this point in treatment. I could have another surgery (I’ve already had two), but I am tired of being in the hospital. So, I chose this option, in hopes of avoiding another surgery.
I also have rheumatoid arthritis and with all of the stress I have been under, I have had greater levels of pain. I have rested and tried to manage as best I can, but it is difficult. I have taken to using therapeutic oils to treat it, in addition to my meds. I just keep hoping for the next day to be better.
In the meantime, I have toyed with poetry and brainstormed about my writing. I have a novel that I am working on; although, I have not worked on it since 2016. I have mostly been working with poetry as I can handle those short-term mental energy requirements. My writing has been put on the back burner for far too long. I have begun to make dents in my goals, but it is not easy with my limitations.
In group, I am supposed to be focusing on difficult things to accept and I am still working on accepting my lack of ability to write as I did when I was in college. I was so prolific then, but what I did was not sustainable. It is a miracle I survived college. Truly.
Now, between pain and emotional limitations, writing seems impossible sometimes. I don’t even blog predictably. (SORRY!) So, I am struggling to find realistic adaptations to my yearnings to write while allowing myself to rest and cope with what the universe has given me.