Rock On!

I have been thinking: Maybe it is time to stop caring so much about what people think.

Ha! I have spent my whole life focused on what other people think and when I do something that is good for me, I still wonder what people will think and if others think it is good for me. How would they know? They’re not me. But, the thoughts remain that I must do what the world wants me to do. Others’ opinions are more important than my own.

I have to own myself. I have to own my decisions. I have to own my words, my language, my thoughts, my focus on life… The list goes on. And on… So, why do I care what others think?

I feel as though I need to read a book on how not to care. As if somebody else’s proposals to not care are what I need. Another way that I am letting someone else rule my life.

I propose that I do what is needed without worrying about others perceptions. EEK! This is going to be difficult. Let’s start small.

I checked the oil in my car at the gas station. Win! This may not seem like a big deal and rather ordinary; however, my SUV has no device under the hood to hold it up. So, I used a board that is about 3 foot long to hold up my hood while I checked my oil. I rocked my rigged hood while checking my oil. To be honest, I was terrified it was going to slam shut and break my hands while I did it, but I did it and I am sure some people looked my way, but it needed done and I looked awesome while doing it in heeled boots and jeans and perfect lipstick. Ha! Win!

I read once that it is important to do one thing each day that scares you. Leaving my house today was terrifying. I haven’t driven in over 10 days and was worried about my energy level and the tremor I have developed from my medicine. So, I drove to Panera (where I am now) and am meeting a friend. Go me!

Back to the idea of stopping others from defining my happiness and self-satisfaction:

When I was in college, I once wandered around campus pretending to be a raptor. A little eccentric… Okay, a LOT eccentric, but I was totally me and it was amazing. I remember laughing so hard at the expression on people’s faces. A look of shock and surprise, but even they had to laugh at my antics. I miss being carefree. I miss so much about my old self.

However, I don’t miss the ups and downs of my responsibilities and crash dieting to meet the ideals that my mind-set. I know though that some of those were also a result of the standards set by magazines and coworkers. I remember thinking that was the way things had to be and the only way I would be happy, but I remained miserable.

If others’ thoughts on what I should do continue to make me miserable, what am I doing trying to continue meeting those expectations. It’s insanity. I keep doing it in hopes that others will like me and when I fall, they are not the ones having to pick me up. That’s me.

So, here is my coffee cheers to a fulfilling future not based on others’ thoughts. Rock on with your bad self, Darlene.

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