The Plan (part 2)

Okay. Sticking to the plan. The plan. The plan. Have I mentioned that I usually live by pantsing? I live by the seat of my pants. I love the idea of a plan, but it seems so esoteric, so unavailable to the masses. Yet, here I am, trying to live according to a plan.

Yesterday, the plan went splendidly. Today, I took a nap when writing failed me this morning. I don’t handle failure well. It’s like telling me that I won’t pass ever and I just want to give up. So, I take a nap (preferably for eternity) and wake up in a somewhat better mood, but still upset that my brain failed me during a critical point of the plan.

Ye Gads!!! What is wrong with my brain?

Ultimately, it is probably my motivation. See, I don’t really want to follow a plan. I want to live all wild and unkempt and just pants things, but life doesn’t work like that. Not many people get their starts by just happening to one day write an entire book in one sitting. For some reason, I think that is unlikely. Violinists do not became virtuoso performers when they’re four. Although, that could happen. Prodigies still need some practice time and effort and a plan to do those things.

My plan is simple right now: develop a regular sleep/wake cycle, limit naps, write, and do other normal human things like eat and clean up around the house. I would say that all of this is simple, except for the writing part. I want to write books and stories and poetry… Except, my brain is not wanting to follow through on that part of the plan. My muse escapes me as I sit to write in the mornings. (Yes, I know today was just the second day, but…)

I agreed to follow the plan for a month. What was I thinking? A month? Of failing at this plan? (Yes, I know today was just the second day, but…)

So, tomorrow is day 3 and I am unsure what measure of success I will have. Writing this has been helpful. I apologize for my rambling and hope you stayed with me, despite the madness.

Plans are a good thing and really help one to accomplish things and ordinarily, I love plans, but right now, I feel overwhelmed by this plan, because I fear that every morning the keyboard will sit untouched whilst I stare at a blank Word document, as I did this morning. I can only hope that the days will get easier and my energy levels will improve and I will feel less like a failure for not achieving the simplest of things.

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