Hello. Sorry for the delay in my posts. I have been dealing with my own seasonal blues and dealing with changes in how I approach things.
I am trying to live healthier and happier. My goals include loving myself and loving what I do. These have been long time goals of mine and yet, they keep getting shoved back for what seems more plausible, more achievable, easier.
I have started being more active, reading more, and trying to write more. As I keep saying: I want more.
I struggle with the holidays every year. I always fear that I will end up in the hospital again and miss out on family. I hate the blues. I struggle with the cold. I miss the sun.
This year, I’m attending multiple parties. I have avoided parties of any sort for about 2 to 3 years. I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing or not being good enough to be there. I have also struggled with body image and feeling guilty for eating anything.
This year, I am going anyway. This year, I got my Christmas shopping done and gave some gifts early just to see smiles. When my younger brother was little, my favorite part of Christmas was watching him smile as he unwrapped presents. Now, I have nieces and nephews that I get to spoil, but I don’t always get to see the gifts opened, so I have to find another joy in Christmas.
However, giving presents is not the point of Christmas. It reflects the present we were given by Christ, but it is not the reason for the season, as they say. The true reason is to celebrate the birth of Jesus, which was the ultimate Christmas present, as He later died for us.
I have been doing a great bit of soul-searching this season and trying to reflect on all of the things for which I am grateful and I have struggled. I am struggling with depression and anxiety, but it is manageable (Win!). My body is not perfect, but I am able to do many things (Win!). I am not working, but I am free to write (Win!).
I would love to have a normal Christmas, but those don’t really happen. For everyone, there is a flaw in Christmas. I am not sure why, but a human Christmas will never be perfect. Only God can make Christmas perfect and He already did that; the way to improve our Christmases is to put God first and reflect on our gifts and be grateful for all that we have.
I wish you all a happy weekend and I hope that you enjoy this season and have the ability to practice gratitude for the ultimate gift of Christmas.